Maddness

not really, lol, but I had to think of some kind of title:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rejection
the moon up high returns to me
a lover in my head
if he cannot have me
the lover ends up dead
constant moods, ones of rage
hiding in my shameful cries
I wish to be free of here
but my moon won’t let me die
**********
Cry
A cry in the night
and alone I still stand
dropping my weapons,
I gaze at the land
desolate, barren
no hope I can see
when through the darkness
you came to me
A cry on the wind
carried my pain
to your upturned ears
and to me you came
Traveled through darkness
with no map to read
you battled the evils
and chased them from me
A cry for my knight
the joyous kind
escaped from my lips
when you, I did find
No longer alone
the battles not done
Though, with you by my side,
the war, we have won.
**********

Unwarranted
A smile, a word, is all they ask
one without a frown
The little child hopes and prays
that hand will not come down
A hug, a laugh, is it too much to ask?
Fort heir hopes be not high
a day without those words of hate
is bright in their eyes
Never did they ask for harm
they only pray for love
That God up high will hear their prayers
and shield them from above
**********

Masquerade
I am not what I seem to be
even through my eyes
The body still enjoys life
while the soul still waits to die
God has granted a special gift
existence in this plane
while reborn, if rebirthed
Will I ever be the same?
The memories of countless years
and lifetimes ago
never reached or regained
no pieces left to sew
God, protect, I try to spread
the feeling of your love
maybe once, when that is reached
I’ll meet you far above
**********

lol, bored...as usual

Hold on tight
Hold on tight-take you for a ride
hold on tight-take a look inside
in my mind, something I cannot see
all I know, it’s eating at me
hold on tight, hold on tight
wake up, sit up, see the mass decay
wake up, lie down, never see the day
whispers, that soon you will be dead
hold on tight, take you for a ride
hold on tight, take a look inside
in my head, in my mind
all the answers I can’t find
In my heart, in my soul
all the questions I don’t know
take my for a rids, take my for a flight
slowly fading far away
never see the dawning day
hold on tight
asking, praying, for a saving sign
hold on tight
knowing you aren’t mine
**********
Temperament
attitude
my child
my love
life
my child
my heart
soul
my child
my eyes
mind
my child
my sons
night
my child
my life
death
my child
**********
The Thoughts of Death
The thoughts of Death, they do allure
to rid myself of the future
to end this Hell, end this pain
nothing will remain
the thoughts of Death do call
down the darkened hall
willing me along the way
telling me not to stay
the thoughts of Death do haunt my dreams
questioning what I mean
grasping life to follow Death
and laying down for final rest
**********
Don’t
Don’t’ leave me alone
and unheard prayer
constantly followed
but no one is there
Don’t turn around
your chances are slim
of finding your life
but Death who is grim
Don’t think of a life
for the thought of the day
will turn into night
you cannot save
**********
Surrounded
surrounded by the silent stars
that ridicule my pain
hope inside this pathetic life
that they might feel the same
beaten by the tortured souls
that imagine they were free
I see the look in their eyes
they wish that they were me
leader of a lonely plague
that eats at us all
it is all one can do
to watch themselves fall
**********

Everything I want to accomplish before I die

In no particular order, lol. Yeah, some of it's off the wall, but hey, ya gotta take a chance sometimes. Some of them are already accomplished, but I'm gonna post the whole shebang anywho.

~Master's degree in English lit.

~build my castle

~Get married

~have at least 2 boys and one girl

~visit Stonehenge

~visit Ireland, Scotland, England, Australia, Spain, Mexico and Tahiti

~trace my ancestry

~finish and produce my play

~publish a book

~size 10

~be on national T.V.

~have speaking part in a movie

~complete and publish a poetry book

~start a "Save the Spamalope" foundation

~skydive

~create a spamalope

~own a T.V. station

~DJ license

~own a purple Jeep Wranglere with "Bonzai" painted on the side

~have an art studio

~quit smoking

~Know "the group" for the rest of my life

~live to be 117

~live through 2069

~be on the cover of a magazine

~learn Spanish fluently

~learn sign language

~tell my mother off

~"own" a wolf

~adopt a kid

~have an art exhibit

~be told "i love you" by a guy who really means it

~meet BonJovi

~make a video to "If I was your Mother"

~Buy parent's a new home

~Buy my dad a new Harley

~Go to Sturgis

~Buy a Harley

~See Phantom of the Opera and Cats live

~ Stay with one guy for over 8 months

~Meet Anne McCaffrey

~Be given 12 white roses

~play street hockey

~fly

~1 year with no one I know dying

~slap the cast of "Friends" and "Seinfield"

~1 road with the speed limit of "69"

~meet an online friend

~Tell Tom Cruise that he's ugly

~be married at Freeman Lake

~Have Airwalk name a shoe after me

~be the voice of a Disney cartoon character

~run for president

~"save the spamalope" billboard

~own a purple mustang

~Savagate concert

~Smack at least one person from high school who thought that they were better than me

~learn to surf

~own a tiger or monkey

~paint the Statue of Liberty purple before Jen-Jen blows it up

~race motorcycles

~Own an usable "Highlander" sword

~Be part of a national conspiracy

~Have spoons declared a dangerous weapon

~Be called beautiful by someone who means it

~Kill the snuggle bear

~Take the batteries out of the Energizer bunny

~Follow an airplane

~open my own restaurant

a change

The thunder storm outweighed the cry of the lonely mourner. She looked up to the dark sky with hatred filling her eyes. Thin red welts appeared on her hands where the fingers clenched tightly against the palms.

"Murders! All of you, murders!" She cried out to the heavens. As if to answer, a flash of lightening appeared, seemingly from nowhere, to rest at the foot of the coffin. Breaking her silent stare with the invisible forces, she returned her gaze to the grave. A long, thin cross was scored on the topof the wooden box. A mockery completed by the religious lunatics. She knew that inside the body wore all withe, it's hands clasped in prayer, yet another mockery. Meant for degragation, long after death. With a lonely, solitary sigh, she lifted the lid to gaze at the sight, her suspicions confirmed, kneeling beside the coffin she prayed one more time to the god of there that long since failed her. Then as the first rays of sun started to show, with no mournes to attend the funeral, the soul of the newly dead slipped away from her empty shell .

Out of the archives:)

Somewhere
Somewhere deep inside of me
I wonder through the day
where this darkness did arise
and if it will stay
Somewhere deep inside of me
I wonder about love
and if I have truly found
true blessing from above
Somewhere deep inside of me
my pain still slowly burns
and will I ever defeat it?
Before my rest is earned?
Somewhere deep inside of me
I wrestle with the past
knowing someday it will come
to end this long repast
Somewhere deep inside of me
I wonder where I lie
beneath this cool, dark earth
where they put you when you die.
**********

Untitled
certainty exceeds
the pale rays of light
that masters existence
and eternal fight
confusion devours
the strongest of mind
that reflects question
answers cannot find
**********
Alone in the dark
I sit alone in the dark I fear
at the darkest hour of all
the time has come for the world to end
as we begin our fall
Slow descent to the pit of night
that lays inside our minds
battle it not for triumph
but fear of what you will find
the war is lost though not in vain
for all fought brave
the war is lost though all have tried
but no one can be saved
**********

Massive boredom

Untitled
Will my tears fall to freedom
And bathe the parched skies?
Freeing my dreams, my fears,
Freeing my will to die?
Will my tears fall upon you
And bathe your downcast face?
Drowning you within my depths
Leaving you no escape?
Will my tears fall silently
And let me quietly fall?
For when you think none is there
Is there one at all?
Will my tears fall for reason
Or just because they will?
Will they make me who I am?
Or am I that just still?

**********
Pyramid Game
be-
cause I
think I shall
this poem just may
go on forever
due to the fact that I
have a love for completely
and useless run on sentences.
no one here shall dare try to stop this
insane, odd, banter of a mad woman
who is getting quite tired now of counting
all of the syllables here. so she shall
begin counting backwards, attempting
to make a sensible end to
her madness that just may be
contagious, she is not
sure if it is or
not, so you should
try to stay
away
now.

Insert witty saying here:

Hrm....happy father's day. If that applies to anyone who actually reads this...( yeah, like all 3 of my regular readers, lol)
I'm bored....I'm tierd...I want a nap *whaaaaaaa!

Lol.
Oh yeah...I put poetry here, don't I?

Time and Time
Time and time again
over and over
through the endless years
elusive four leaf clover
time and time again
wishing on a star
through the endless nights
when the day was far
time and time again
searching through my heart
through the endless breaths
when we’re worlds apart
**********
So
So my dreams have lied to me
I’m simply all alone
so my thoughts have lied to me
I cannot go on
So my friends betray me
my mind is still black
so my soul betrays me
without turning back
**********
Dark
I sit alone in the dark I fear
at the darkest hour of all
The time has come for the world to end
as we begin our fall
Slow decent to the pit of night
that lays inside our minds
Battle it not for triumph
But for fear of what you will find
the war is lost though not in vain
for all fought brave
the war is lost though all have tried
but no one can be saved
**********
Shadows
Ran from my nightmares
And you will not let me be scared
Lost my belief in life
Play out the fights
Held onto my memories
Just until you made me see
All the things yet to come
Make me laugh at the fun
Each night I dream of you
Silently I sing to you
For my love is great
All this time to the Fates
Gave us a chance to live
And they smiled and forgive
Now the happiness is ours
**********
Silver Moon
Silver moon in empty skies
I pray to you, just let me cry
Sorrow pent and anger crushed
Hate so old, turned to rust
Silver moon, in you phase
Waxing, Waning, turn the days
Each day anew, you bathe it clean
mend the rips and fix the seams
Silver moon, call your stars
for I promise this job is hard
Fix the Earth we beg of you
Silver moon, what do we do?
**********

Random Quotes

Some of my favorite quotes:

Brekke's Song: Don't leave me alone/ a cry in the night/ of anguish heart striking/ of soul killing fright/ live for my living or else I must die/ Don't leave me alone/ a world heard that cry

from DragonFlight, by Anne McCaffrey, her books rock

Will you withdrawl beyond the law/ lie safely in your slumber/ while danger shakes your world awake/ and Death makes up his number

from All The Weyrs of Pern, by Anne McCaffrey

~~Can you tell I like her books? lol~~
Where there is mystery, it is generally supposed that there is evil
from Fragments of a Nove, by George Gordon

There are always misunderstandings
from Bite Me Not, Tanith Lee

How blessed are some people whose lives have no fear, no dreads, to whom sleep is a blessing that comes nightly and brings nothing but sweet dreams

Dracula, by Bram Stoker

And I quit smoking, WHY????!!!!!

This sucks, I'm irritated, hubby's off playing D&D....grrrr....I want a cigarette. Almost 2 weeks....I want one, but then again, I don't. Oh well, here's some more out of the "archives" lol

T.A.S.
Time and time again
enter into the night
laughing at the dawn
exit all the light.
Inside my tortured mind
never see the day
Always scared and running
and I cannot be saved
sealed withing my coffin
and within my mind
reach into the night
intrigued at what I find
asking all my questions
seeking out the lies
easy to find deceit
too hard to hear the cries
east to find the sun
maybe it won't shine
yesterday is perished
running from my crimes
**********
Certainty
Certainty exceeds
the pale rays of life
that masters existence
and eternal fight
confusion devours
the strongest of mind
that reflects the question
answers can’t find
**********
Looking
Looking on the past
though it be not long
remember happily and smile
for the past be a song
looking on the past
looking on our friends
we survived the fall
together we still stand
looking on th past
a lesson over time
I will always smile
and keep it as a sign
looking on the past
the thoughts they do allure
to bring us band in time
to look upon the future
**********
If Ever My Love
If ever my love you enter the dark
turn for me if you cry
let me know your sorrow, dreams
and what you fear to die
If ever my love the night seems to call
turn away, ignore the sound
that will only be your Death of life
and lives to eat you underground
stay nearby for I am here
it seems there’s no more time
If ever my love the night seems to call
tell that you are mind
If ever my love, it seems you can’t resist
turn for help, fear it none
For through the night, a tear does shed
My work here is done.
**********
Lies
Lies, the life of the mass
hide, and soon it shall pass
Death, the life we will lead
never ending, no choice to believe
Disaster, a choice for no one
happened since time begun
Deceit the life of the many
Pouring from a horn of plenty
Happiness, the life of so few
something I never knew

Incredibly Poetic tonight, lol

Rambling of a Dying Woman
turn around slowly
believe in what I say
answer me
or else you must pay
believe in the stories
told at noon
that soon is beat down
by the slowly rising moon
enter the battle
you really have no choice
how can you defy me?
you have no voice.
may I be so bold
as to create another plague?
I have to think
but my mind is so vague.
**********
Scream to the moon
Standing softly by,
I shed a tear I never thought I"d cry
Tomorrow, I will walk one last time
to my future
to the all divine
Masking, hiding, shedding all my fear
the wait can be no longer
the words, I cannot hear
scream to the moon,
he is ignoring me
I must die soon
dive into the night
nothing to halt the flow
Death, all my life of flight
**********
Life and Death at Tea
My master of Death, I implore you
too many years are past
I’ve saw the world decay
until the very last
My slave of life, I laugh
Scoff at your pitiful tears
why should it all survive
why do you still have fears
My Master of Death, my question
why must we prolong pain
To see the masses burning
I’ll never be the same
My slave of life, an answer
the pain is a simple time
that passes with the days
‘Til the end of the line
My Master of Death, why?
The pain is so immense
to see the people suffer
and ready no defense
My slave of life, Bravo,
your question is one of light
to see the Death of day
Brings the birth of night
My Master of Death, curiosity
why is the order so
to be so lost and backwards
without a chance to know
My slave of life, too long now
too many years decay
I settle to the night
so you can bring the day
**********
Hooked on Pain
time it ticking so slowly by
although I fear it, I know it is time to die
I end this thought, a point inside my head
marveling that I am not dead
memories of a half forgotten life
buried inside a blanket of strife
questioning all that I knew
who were my friends, what did I do?
I gave up all that I loved
to slave to my drugs.
**********
Noon Shadow
Believe in the movies
that share the forgotten past
Darkening tears of
what didn't last.
Sit at the window,
stare at the decay
wonder what happened
when there's no one to save
Cry in the evening
Smile in the morning
The sun is still shining
Yet the rain is still pouring.
Confusion of life
driving us insane
escaping a dream
forgetting our names
Sorrow, the life
Happiness is death
Painful it may be
It's time for a rest
**********

a break from the poetry

Ok, for those of you who know me from Dragon Court, behold, the true beginnings of Asaria. Teleina Asaria Setemyr was created my senior year of high school as the beginning of a play I sadly never finished. Of course, being the packrat that I am....I still have the opening monologue

~~~~~
Full Moon Act I, scene I

Spotlight on moon, moves toward, then down tree, Teleina leans against, howl heard, she jumps and howls back. Howls heard again, stage goes black. Dog fight heard, one sharp yelp, lights back on. Teleina has shed jacket, shirt is torn, she carries katana, throws bandanna on ground

Teleina: So tired of killing. So damned tired of killing. So tired of trying to decide who will live, and who will die. SO tired of those wretched years that pass so slow. These years that give way to no life, only to death. Only to a Death who is not choosy. I am so tired of the murder, disease, destruction. (points toward moon with sword) Look at that! It commands my every move. It's full face mocks me into a blood thirst, into a crave, a passion, a hunger for warm blood that I cannot control. It drives me into a pit. A pity for those that rest in the light of the moon, instead of living in it. A pity to those unknowing souls who sleep, when at any moment they c ould become food for the next craving kindred soul. (points at the moon again) Tonight is the night of the moon, the night of the feast, tonight is the night we dominate. I am Teleina, I am the e witch, the vampire, the fears that mortals gave name to so long ago. I have tried to deny my past, tried to survive in a way other than the immortal life. I have denied my clan, my family, myself. I have denied all that I have ever known. And what for? Only to have my life tossed back into my face, condemned by YOU! Condemned by mere mortals who do not know what it is like to live in the shadows, to be tortured by the light. Yes, you are the one who had condemned me, and now, it is my turn. It is my turn to show you the life that I lead because of you. To show you all I hav been put through. (sounds of doors being locked, Teleina smiles) And it seems I have a captive audience. Welcome to my life, my pain, my 600 years of hell. (Walks off stage, everything black save for moon)

Gothic trip :)

Sacrifice
exit my mind,
so tired of the fight,
let this dawning day
turn into my night
save me my soul,
so this body may die
reserve my sight
from the volumes of lies
end here and now
the perish is grave
take this one body
so the souls may be saved.
**********
Song of Heart
Song of heart, be my guide,
I cannot forgive you
though my mind,
I feel, I see, I think, I breathe,
I wonder, cry,
yet am I not free?
To look out and into
the glitter in the eyes
and I realize it's not you
yet my mind still dreams of you
still untrue
I look into the past,
song of heart,
thinking it didn't last
I wonder why there's nothing more
I hold a key to unlock the wrong door
to you, to be, I kneel and pray
locked in my heart,
your song still plays.
**********
The Curtain
I am a wasted life here,
all alone, within my self,
there's no company around,
save for
that curtain of black
that keeps me in this depression
a miserable excuse for
existence
miserable beyond comparison
for no one cares.
I am me
and alone,
all alone,
so alone
save for the curtain,
my only company
**********
My Moon Had Died
My moon, my moon, you bleed tonight.
The stars look sad and shed no light.
Is it heartbreak?
Is it age?
Or is it finally,
your last page?
My moon, my moon,
where did you go?
I asked the stars, but they don't know.
I see your face
in my closed eyes.
The stars found out
my moon had died.
**********
Pride
I unlock the gate and enter the yard
to tremble in my shoes.
beneath the cold, hard ground
lays a man I once knew
Place a rose upon the grave
and calm my trembling hand
the bitter wind bites my face
as I gaze out to the land
a single tear is all it took
I finally break my stride
Death is the only thing
that strips away my pride
**********

3 guesses what this is, lol

Mind
Hello.
This is your mind.
lurking close,
2 steps behind.
Nowhere,
did you think I'd leave?
Forgotten,
you had to believe.
inside you,
the night you gave
control of me
to the drugs you slave.
lost, but soon you found,
a mindless body,
underground.
**********
Lay me Down
As I lay me down to sleep
no more shall I pray
I lay to die and not to rest
and see the dawning day.
As I lay down at your feet
I succumb and I cry.
No more shall we suffer
I pray the Lord to fly.
As I lay down in my bed,
a tear traces my face.
satin, silk, and wooden made
casket lowered to place.
As I lay down for the final time
the sun refuses to shine
my worm ridden bed underground
releasing what was mine
**********
Voices
The voices I hear, they keep calling me
drawing me back inside
To drown in my own misery
waiting for me to die.
The voices I hear, they keep telling me
happiness is naught
that everything that I have loved
in the fight will be lost.
The voices I hear, they keep calling me
I can silence them none
My love for life is too strong
and I face the dawning sun
The voices I hear, they keep telling me
that my hope will do me no good
I tell the voices to be silent
like the ones in my head should
**********

Another healthy dose of my insanity

To my sons
A sigh escapes from me
lost among the shattered screams
dreams and hope among the land
shattered by a conscious hand
holding on with wishes true
trying to follow through
love is strong, folding none
keeps me going, begin to run
the slaves laugh and masters scorn
soon the love will be torn
nay to them, I have one plea
love is true, they won't see
**********
The Sirens
The sirens sing, I hear the sound,
to draw me in and see me drown,
to lay me down upon the stone,
to stop my journey home.
The sirens sing a song of Death,
drawing blood from my chest,
they look at me and sing some more,
laughing at the closing door.
The sirens sing, their song grows dim,
I pray to see my home again,
They sing yet more and close my eyes,
the sirens sing to see me die.
The sirens sing, whispers near,
making others shake with fear,
they shudder on their wayward path
never daring to look back.
The sirens sing their deadly song
powerful will last not long
The sirens sing, a mark of Death.
The sirens sing, who is next?
**********
The Sirens II
The sirens aisle I come again
against the worlds advice.
I come again to vanquish dreams
of fear throughout the night.
The sirens aisle, I listen clear
to the words they say
Promises of heros fame
for your lasting days.
The sirens aisle, I hear the lies
covered by sweet sound
to lure in for the kill
and watch the man drown
**********

And it begins.......

Well, seeing as how my computer skills are nearly nil, I've finally decided just to blog it, lol.

SO....welcome to the world that I write. Here, I welcome any feed back on my poetry or writings. As soon as I figure out how to do it, I may just add some pics of my paintings up here. Until then, here's some poetry to get you started......

Mr. Man in the Moon,
I see you in the sky
Who are you?
Mr Man in the Moon
Why do you live there, on the moon?
Why don't you live on Earth?
I think that, sometimes, you come down
visit people,
Do you?
Come visit me
I like to talk
I know that you hear me
you help me solve my problems
once, when I was watching you,
you winked at me
as if it were our little secret
But I know
you tell the stars everything
Mr. Mann in the Moon, you live there
tell me
Is the moon really made of green cheese?
*********
Flight
I. An Awakening
Into the night it bleeds,
an ever awakening scent of Death
brought upon by
tears, sorrows, nightmares
It feeds off the mind
lurking, waiting hoping
for someone to trip on life
to fall into the pit of night
to drown in the darkness
hatred, vengeance, blood
the only mind it knows
it patiently waits
knows no resistance
only the smell of fear
which it devours
a tremble is its joy
a shudder, its pleasure
to witness Death, pleasure
only the morbid thoughts
run through a cold granite head
to rest in the pit
where its heart should be


1
II. A Promise
Falling, captured
caught in the web of lies
the only truth it knows
the deceit eats me
the anger consumes me
the mirror breaks
falling shards of glass
reflecting the hell around me
he hides in the shadow to look out to the world
the darkness
in them he hides
it waits, watches
the sadness delights it
the pain makes him laugh
the hurt is its friend
leave no happiness behind
only one mission
to destroy
leave no trail
only the scent of blood
the empty shell
of a once beating heart
that is suddenly still

III. An Addiction
I see you
tripping, scared, falling
don't worry
I am right behind you
to catch you
keep you always
they said you wouldn't fall
I wanted you
to keep you always
the warmth flows through you
spreading the shadows
you invaded my home
now you are mine
I feast on fear
that radiates throughout the black
I will never be full
never be done
I am your pain
slowly, I eat, I feed
I thirst for more
What's this?
in my hand, it looks like
a donation to my collection
of many
useless hearts
2
IV. Vengeance
Slowly, eating away
devouring my mind and soul
I can't get the vision out of my head
I keep seeing her
devoured, except for a lock of hair
That I escaped with
I plan for revenge
for the day I can
devour, rape, rip him to shreds
like he did to her
to my sister
so cold, so cruel
I calculate its demise
in the back of my mind
I hide it
and mask it with a false face of fear
that I know it can
see right through
but I wait
and I plan
and I know
I will be in control
and his heart will be mine


V. Again
Slowly, I approach the night
to where the shadows lid
reach out my hand
and grasp the cold, dark
Can this be life?
I hold the hand and wait
for the moment to plunge my knife
into this desperate heart
that's taken so many
now I will take his
I wait and strike
but he is too quick
for someone so cold and painless
it knows fear
it struck into my heart
into the very center
chilling, quickening
I find my hart lying
at my feet


VI. On The Other Side
On the other side
I watch
the outside world
and wonder how they survive
all alone
I sit in my shadows
and stare blankly at the wall
that speaks to me
You, over there
don't walk away
one day you will fall too
you will feel
dark
I smother in it
please, hand over willingly
your most prized possession
I want your heart

VII. The End
Coming to the tunnel
only darkness no light
constant beating of my heart
and my head
inside my mind
nothing,
it rattles empty
killing me slowly
I realize I should fight
lost inside my soul
lost inside my mind
so slowly
my heart
finally gives up the fight
it stops
**********

9/11
September 11, 2001
a nightmare begun
that we can't outrun,
America's heart stood still that day
the tears filled the lakes
the bodies filled graves,
An unseen devil brought our worst fears true
your heart cried for me
my heart cried for you,
America the beautiful, or so the song said
most of us never realized
some want us dead,
will we recover? we always do
they hide with cowardice
and we hold our truths,
God, hold them near
the ones that they took
and please quench our tears,
we now know we are not safe from harm
Please God, I ask,
keep us in your arms
**********




I realize that "Flight" is incredibly long, and if you made it through the whole thing, congrats.

I think that's enough to start this thingy off, so....cheers!